The beginning
Don’t know why, I woke up today with this urge to do what I never though I will ever do ,I decided to not only to again through all sorts of crap happened to me but also record them so that I take full responsibility of my actions i.e., have a diary.
What is the worst thing that ever happened in your life? When asked that question, some people become storytellers. They become animated and act out the ordeal of losing their dog, suffering an injurious car crash, being betrayed or getting humiliated at school.
My answer is quick and simple: puberty. That was when I would look in the mirror and the glasses that covered half my face went from being a form of vision-correction to an ugly intruder sitting on my face, and when the zits, pimples, and blackheads that I told myself would not appear, sprouted on my face causing shock and horror. When being overweight prevented me from going swimming with the other kids, or even wear what the others did.
When I restricted my diet to only salad and water for weeks in high school, only to become weak-bodied, a failure in my academics, underweight and lower self-image.
A year at the gym set of contacts, some skin products and a new hair cut and I was a little more in control of my situation. I could buy my own clothing, wear the stylish clothing I had envied in my classmates, dressing up against the wishes of my mother who had insisted all my life that I wear “modest” shirts that went down to my knees, drab unattractive clothing in the spirit of not imitating the evil westerners.
And now I am enjoying being one of the hottest girls known at college but still that fat ugly girl is haunting me and I couldn’t get rid of her completely as well as the mocking and humiliation she got back then.
And now with all the guys hitting, girls envying and a whole list of potential dates I still can't, I can't have the life I have always wanted coz I realized that It’s not about styling my clothes after others, it’s not about pathetically fishing for compliments from others, it’s not about impressing others…it’s not the others who will lift my spirits up. Self-image, self-worth, self-esteem can only be determined by the one’s inner self.
And mine is still that ugly fat girl with the large glasses.
What is the worst thing that ever happened in your life? When asked that question, some people become storytellers. They become animated and act out the ordeal of losing their dog, suffering an injurious car crash, being betrayed or getting humiliated at school.
My answer is quick and simple: puberty. That was when I would look in the mirror and the glasses that covered half my face went from being a form of vision-correction to an ugly intruder sitting on my face, and when the zits, pimples, and blackheads that I told myself would not appear, sprouted on my face causing shock and horror. When being overweight prevented me from going swimming with the other kids, or even wear what the others did.
When I restricted my diet to only salad and water for weeks in high school, only to become weak-bodied, a failure in my academics, underweight and lower self-image.
A year at the gym set of contacts, some skin products and a new hair cut and I was a little more in control of my situation. I could buy my own clothing, wear the stylish clothing I had envied in my classmates, dressing up against the wishes of my mother who had insisted all my life that I wear “modest” shirts that went down to my knees, drab unattractive clothing in the spirit of not imitating the evil westerners.
And now I am enjoying being one of the hottest girls known at college but still that fat ugly girl is haunting me and I couldn’t get rid of her completely as well as the mocking and humiliation she got back then.
And now with all the guys hitting, girls envying and a whole list of potential dates I still can't, I can't have the life I have always wanted coz I realized that It’s not about styling my clothes after others, it’s not about pathetically fishing for compliments from others, it’s not about impressing others…it’s not the others who will lift my spirits up. Self-image, self-worth, self-esteem can only be determined by the one’s inner self.
And mine is still that ugly fat girl with the large glasses.
posted by S. @ 7:07 PM
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