Glamorous

It was new year's eve, and I was invited to some kind of party at a friends' place, I started the day as usual, woke up, coffee, gym and then I went to the hairdressers didn’t know why but I needed to feel glamorous that night and I sure did, with that hot strapless red dress I knew it…. I looked dazzling.

10:00 pm we arrived me and the girls and we went upstairs to fix our make up to be ready , I went downstairs after 45 minutes and I found that it is already crowded.

One of our guy friends A always brags that he knew that big celebrity singer but no one really bought it before that's why my friend asked him to invite the celebrity but we never thought that he'll really come BUT surprisingly he did.

11:00 pm I was mingling through the guests , laughing here dancing there and I couldn’t resist but stare at the celebrity guest , all the girls were around him but I kept my distance however every now and then I can notice that he is looking at me and as thrilled as that made me feel ,I didn’t show any attention .

11:30 I felt a need to breathe some fresh air and have a cigarette so I walked to the balcony and as I was lighting my cigarette he was in front of me…..
Him: hey ……….can I have a lighter pls
Me: sure
Him: I am N
Me: Sara
Him; so you are friends with A
And the conversation just goes on and on and as charming, elegant ,masculine as he was I couldn’t help but imagining me kissing him at midnight , I finished my cigarette ,and he finished his beer and we went in again it was almost midnight and every one was just screaming and raising their glasses and in my mind I was just repeating his words over and over again hoping that he really meant it when he said that I am beautiful and that he really likes my dress but I guess as a player as every one knows about him , he was just being nice anyways

I danced and had fun with all my friends till 3 am when every one just left and as expected he left without even saying good bye.

On the next day I woke up with the worst headache ever and as I am repeating what happened the other night I found my phone is ringing displaying "a private number"
Me: hello
Surprised …….N?
And yes it was him saying that it was really nice knowing me and that he couldn’t find me yesterday to say bye and that's why he called to make sure that he is the first one I talk to in the new year …………….oooohhh how sweet ………..and also that he would like to hang out one day, I finished the call and I was ecstatic so did he really like me, what is going to happen, is he just playing around.


Well he left me with 100s of UN answered questions, but the most important one was "Was I glamorous? And I sure was"

The beginning

Don’t know why, I woke up today with this urge to do what I never though I will ever do ,I decided to not only to again through all sorts of crap happened to me but also record them so that I take full responsibility of my actions i.e., have a diary.

What is the worst thing that ever happened in your life? When asked that question, some people become storytellers. They become animated and act out the ordeal of losing their dog, suffering an injurious car crash, being betrayed or getting humiliated at school.

My answer is quick and simple: puberty. That was when I would look in the mirror and the glasses that covered half my face went from being a form of vision-correction to an ugly intruder sitting on my face, and when the zits, pimples, and blackheads that I told myself would not appear, sprouted on my face causing shock and horror. When being overweight prevented me from going swimming with the other kids, or even wear what the others did.

When I restricted my diet to only salad and water for weeks in high school, only to become weak-bodied, a failure in my academics, underweight and lower self-image.

A year at the gym set of contacts, some skin products and a new hair cut and I was a little more in control of my situation. I could buy my own clothing, wear the stylish clothing I had envied in my classmates, dressing up against the wishes of my mother who had insisted all my life that I wear “modest” shirts that went down to my knees, drab unattractive clothing in the spirit of not imitating the evil westerners.

And now I am enjoying being one of the hottest girls known at college but still that fat ugly girl is haunting me and I couldn’t get rid of her completely as well as the mocking and humiliation she got back then.

And now with all the guys hitting, girls envying and a whole list of potential dates I still can't, I can't have the life I have always wanted coz I realized that It’s not about styling my clothes after others, it’s not about pathetically fishing for compliments from others, it’s not about impressing others…it’s not the others who will lift my spirits up. Self-image, self-worth, self-esteem can only be determined by the one’s inner self.

And mine is still that ugly fat girl with the large glasses.